Leaving

Leaving has always been troublesome for me. I am too nervous to leave anything. Nervous may not be of rightest use here, but I feel sick when I am leaving some things, I am not sure whether it is something or anything. I mean, it could be that I feel sick whenever I am leaving anything. I really don't know, this habot of mine could some psychological disorder, who knows? Example in case is my last day at IRL. Tomorrow it is and I am already feeling flies in my stomach and not butterflies because I am not liking it. It means a lot of things to me, both good and bad.

Good ones first, in fact good one is the only one and most important one. I want to see what I want.

I am in a very comfortable position; I have no responsibilities to fetch, i mean kids, husband, his family, food, servants, house, house tax, electricity bill, (I have telephone bill though) etc etc. I know I will get a good job any time I want. This surety is more to do with the current trends and position of Indian economy. We have so much opportunities these days that we need not worry about our everyday butter and bread, at least not us who have studied in expensive public schools, read expensive books (all academic in my case), got best coaching classes available and got admission to a good engineering college. (This story is most typical of most of us. I mean everything same, DITTTO) But bread is worrisome only for few Indians may be a farmer who is soon to commit suicide because he knows his family will get at least the compensation amount or the rag picker kid who is happy but in shambles and has to listen to scolding of almost everybody other than a rag picker and that too of an age strictly younger than him/her. (Surprising enough these "few" Indians and many more like them account for more than 75% of our population.)

Though you need not worry much about him, the rag picker kid because he hears to these abuses from one ear and let them go through his luckier second one within a gap of few nanoseconds; what you need to worry about is what do you want? Do you want to turn a deaf ear to these screaming realities of India as she stands today or do you want to simply enjoy the opportunities that are being offered to you? As a matter of fact, India is not only a home of many so called (totally superficial as far as I know) techies but at the same time home to world's largest pool of unskilled human resource; our economy mostly consists of (93% of it) unorganized sector; still more than 60% people live in rural areas where they are denied basic amenities like drinking water and sanitation, not to talk about the huge population living in slums. Rural India stands where they were before independence except some (very few) regions like Punjab and Haryana which benefited themselves with the fruits of green revolution.

Same money lenders, same crop failures, same lack of infrastructure, same poverty, illiteracy, ignorance, superstitions. It is a problem for us as well because we are more capable of dealing with it, we have all the tools, all the implements with us; we only need to go forward and apply them; what is required is we ask ourselves what we want and it is very daring to ask this very truth, what is that I want. But I am sure it is less daring than leaving things like having a TT table at your work place, having a coffee machine standing upright by the side of a newspaper stand, both of them always willing to serve you when you come out of your grAnd cubicle for a dingy break, an AC all the time specially in this mostly hot and occasionally humid climate of Delhi, talking long hours with your colleagues about nothing and many many more such things. I don't think it is much daring to leave these things. What do you thinnk??